I play this laptop
like the piano
I never learned
never had the patience
to sit down
and try to play

I don't know Major C
from a Minor A
and when I'm with you
I strain my ear
to hear the magic
in the tuba, in the horns,
in the symphony of strings

You can play anything it seems
and hear I sit
swaying in my chair
typing but not composing
can't quite create the same
feeling

my own two hands
can't seem to do what yours can
and my own two ears
can't seem to hear what you can hear

but i can sing
and i can string
words
together
with just
my fingers

no knitting needles
needed
and we both know
I've never been one
to have the
patience
to read the recipe
or follow a pattern

i hit the space bar before words ar
-e finished and the enter key
comes at random times
and I lack rhythm I fear
I lack so many things, my dear

including a mute button
a self-cleaning set of teeth
an off switch for my emotions

god how i fail
i fail myself a thousand times
more than i could ever fail you
and this i know
this i know
i try
i try i try i try

i see, i spy where i trip
where my ankles twist and
where i always seem to fall

i can't play the guitar
and my voice is so often flat
i strive
i strive

to read notes on a page
to understand languages i do not speak
like you
like you

i want to be like you
and i want you to want to be like me
two plants, two tendrils of ivy
twirling and learning and growing
muscle fibers breaking
mending stronger
i am mending stronger

broken bones
heal like titanium
and it takes time
everything takes time
like writing poetry
like playing music
like falling in love

and on top of that
how to do it
perfectly?

or at least in a way that
lends gracefully and gently
to apologies and forgivings

i try,
i strive
I'll sit at this keyboard
and pretend it's making the music I hear
I'll take your hand
across the console of my car
and pretend I know what the fuck I'm doing
and that I'm not scared all the time lately
that I'm doing everything wrong

no, darling I don't know what I'm doing
but I'm going to strive
I'm going to strive
pound on this laptop
and find a syphony in my pathetic,
halting cacophony
that maybe if you don't love
I will
and it'll be enough