When I don't know what to say,
I say everything

With you, my skin tingles
even before you touch
With you, my skin giggles
even before you speak

I fall to awkward, I bite my lip
I trip all over myself

I wrote bad poetry
and wonder why you don't call

I'm sixteen all over again
only you're not Doug Hamilton
and I'm pretty sure you're not gay

:)

I don't want to sleep tonight
In fact, I'm just about rested up

Instead I shall writhe on my floor
Duct tape on my mouth, hands tied to my sides

All the things I am not allowed to say
I scream into the gag

It's the only way
to stop my metamorphosis into a spinster hag

I am learning restraint; how to be a proper, sane girl
I shall practice The Rules and curtsey and fucking
stop swearing

(and swear I'll stop fucking)

the pseudo hippie says I sell myself out
with my Holly Go Lightly

I reply, "but I keep bumping into walls
blindfolded or not"

Existentialist crisis
on Hillcrest Terrace
I will walk a little bit faster
Dodging raindrops as I go

I leave my keys in the door
wet towels on the floor
wear my heart on sleeve
never know when to leave

If I could do cartwheels I might be saved
otherwise I assume I'm damned
left to fall into every vice I crave
my heart preserved in a jar, properly canned

I am a woman
that can only be loved
by a man
that can appreciate
the curve of a calf
and the call of the siren

Long slender necks
of arched-back birds
Circle, sail, hypnotize

Wet grass between toes
I dance with the porch light off
I'm won't be alone in the woods tonight

Here is where you will find me
Fourteen degrees off center
Raining fall around me

Hands outstretched
C'mere, now.
C'mere, soon
in the very least

I never doubt that I am magic
I never doubt that I am magic
I never doubt that I am magic
and a beautiful red queen

Clock hands break in my fingers
Endless ticking, endless tock

Pried out batteries
gears fall to the floor
freezing of memories
no more closing of doors

At the end of wit
is where I am
At the end of wit
is where I sit

You have a girl now
You've had her awhile
but it was a case of I don't ask
and I begged you not to tell

In the shadows of my room
you rest your head on my navel
It's playtime and I pretend
that this time you won't have to leave

I'm learning to bury things
I'm taking lessons from the neighbor's dog
I bought a shovel and a gardener's spade
I wait for my nails to grow

In the dark is the best time to dig
Under the canopy of Jersey pines
On my knees I sink to duty
Bleeding to discover bones and rock

Mom always said I'd end up in China
in my sideyard sand box
All I ever found was grass and endless
armies of tiny black ants

Raining is for dancing
Dancing is for the nude
2 am and the porch light dies
and I emerge as if born

I twirl
Wash away the dirt
Wash away the pain

A heart of gold
returned to the earth
a miner craving a cigarette
and a lover to kiss away the tears

I return to the ground
practicing Mandarin
blister on my hands
still refusing to wear any shoes

I can't listen to this song anymore
it makes me love you
tricks me into emotions
I'm not allowed to feel.

It's too slow and soft
too lilting but solid
evokes rain and a saved damsel
homesick and high

I know I can save myself
so beyond capable, I stand
but always, continually and always
I am throwing myself to the wolves
perhaps just to see how well I fight

If I could play the guitar
I'd set the world on fire

I am so much more than bare vocals
echoing on panelled walls

if I could play the guitar
I'd sing you to sleep

You'd settle down into softness
and embrace the still

if I could play the guitar

the dawning of days
this new refusal to apologize
for just who i am
and who i am not

i've packed away my costumes
all the masks are broken in two
it is so much easier
to just be me

i'm sorry i can't be
what you think you need
i'm sorry i can't be
the submissive chameleon

it takes so much energy
to just stay alive
so much energy
I refuse to not waste in lies

monkey

Again

I'm doing it wrong
Diving headfirst
down rabbit holes
where I once naively fell

And Again

I'm too old
to claim that I know
no better

An oops and a trip
but here I am
and there I go

again

I am blinding my own eyes
fingers plugging my ears
Running through the dark
Ducking under tree limbs
Dodging tripping stones
And I sing

lalalalallalalalalalallalalalalalla

I don't hear you
and I refuse to see
the insanity of repetition
the on purpose mistake
the wasting of precious time
and eventual tears

it's oh so quiet
here in the woods
that i do not fear
but it was oh so quiet
in the northern hills
but yet I shook

used to be so afraid of
nights alone and days silent
now so well practiced
in the art of the hush

a decade passes, perhaps another two
there is still meditation in nicotine
and although i am neither there nor
anyplace I am or used to be
I'm always here
breathe, you say
in and out
a smile
encircled
i think not of cutlery and car parts
i think not of
anything

could this bring peace?

do we fear peace and alas, boredom?
do we dig up old bodies just to gnaw on the bones?
marrow tastes fresh in death
my teeth sharpen as gums bleed

oh so quiet
and still
in the watchung hills
oh so quiet
and I'm so terribly still
in the watching hills

Come for me, sandman
The night is old
Young body fights infection
Wrinkleless
I still sleep naked.

Come for me, sandman
Delirious with lack
Pirouetting tendrils dance
On fragile, fatigued breath

Come for me, sandman
Winter reaches through glass
Tongues bitten but yet not bleed
Loverless tonight I shiver
Quiver in the cold

Come for me, sandman
So many miles to go
Although already home
Fever burns, my skin amber then cherry
Hours pass yet
I am still alone