I can't listen to this song anymore
it makes me love you
tricks me into emotions
I'm not allowed to feel.

It's too slow and soft
too lilting but solid
evokes rain and a saved damsel
homesick and high

I know I can save myself
so beyond capable, I stand
but always, continually and always
I am throwing myself to the wolves
perhaps just to see how well I fight

If I could play the guitar
I'd set the world on fire

I am so much more than bare vocals
echoing on panelled walls

if I could play the guitar
I'd sing you to sleep

You'd settle down into softness
and embrace the still

if I could play the guitar

the dawning of days
this new refusal to apologize
for just who i am
and who i am not

i've packed away my costumes
all the masks are broken in two
it is so much easier
to just be me

i'm sorry i can't be
what you think you need
i'm sorry i can't be
the submissive chameleon

it takes so much energy
to just stay alive
so much energy
I refuse to not waste in lies

monkey

Again

I'm doing it wrong
Diving headfirst
down rabbit holes
where I once naively fell

And Again

I'm too old
to claim that I know
no better

An oops and a trip
but here I am
and there I go

again

I am blinding my own eyes
fingers plugging my ears
Running through the dark
Ducking under tree limbs
Dodging tripping stones
And I sing

lalalalallalalalalalallalalalalalla

I don't hear you
and I refuse to see
the insanity of repetition
the on purpose mistake
the wasting of precious time
and eventual tears