Still sick..... still broke...

I just blew my nose and my ear did this horrible high pitched popping/squealing sound. I still have this stingy/irritated feeling in my eyes, nose, and throat. This is exactly the kind of cold that makes me wanna OD on nyquil and hide in bed until it's over.

So yeah, totally wanna write or be productive but it's just not happening.

I'm bummed because all the jobs I was up for fell through. Starting to get SUPER worried. But I'm just going to try to stay positive and keep on keeping on. I'll put in another futile and worthless call to my union on Monday. I dunno. Maybe it's time to change careers. I like what I do but if I do it only three months this isn't going to work.

Control

A manual, text book, an electronic reference
I have decoded myself
Handed you the blue prints
I point to a calendar and I say
here is where you send me flowers on my birthday
here is where you need to fuck me on the living room table
one more slip of paper, a combination
this is how to open my lock
and this is how to seal us both inside

press me up against cold and broken brick walls
write me scribbled notes on torn notebook pages
buy me my mocha as I'm about to open my wallet
don't give me a chance to say no or to giggle or blush away

understand that I don't want you to ask
understand that you can't get too lazy or shy
understand that I am to be coaxed and never taken for granted

mumble.... mumble.... blabbering.... ugh.... half asleep.... cold drugs....

achy, sneezy, and miserable

I seriously am the worst at being sick. All I wanna do is bitch and moan. Haven't left my house in two days.

I'm gonna knock myself out tonight with some sort of medication. Tomorrow I am in desperate need of picking up my laundry and getting some groceries.

I just can barely breathe and the sinus pressure makes it hard to think. My eyes watering, my nose like a faucet stuck on. The achiness in my arms and legs. Ugh.

Can't really think. I'd love to do some writing but forming sentences just isn't in the cards.

the mantras i've forgotten

what is meant for thee will gravitate to thee.

if it meant to be, it will be. regardless of everything.

if there is something you can do about a problem, there is no need to worry. if there is nothing you can do about a problem, there is no need to worry.

grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

note to self

note to self:

people fall in love.

they may trip,
they may slip,
they may faint,
they may wander down aimlessly,
they may lose their footing,
they may find their self below street level in surprise,
they may get carried away in tide and flood,
they may drunkenly wake up in the midst

however

people have never
throughout the history of time
simply
slowly climbed in.

if there is anything in this life to risk
if there is anything in this life to surrender to passion for
wouldn't it be the root of all passion and life itself?

To My Loyal Followers

It helps me in oh so many ways if you would please follow me publicly. I have a ton of followers but it doesn't look like it on my site :0) So if you could do it THAT way it'd be awesome.

I know silent, secret voyeurism is the way of the internets but just this time....

I'm sick as a dog with a sudden and nasty, achy, snotty cold. Stuck on my couch watching endless episodes of Intervention and House on my DVR and drinking juice.

I turn 30 a week from today. Oh boy :)