I don't love me
but I love you
however, that's not enough
for either one of us

I have one leg
You have two
You offer me a steady arm
i instead, take your leg

We both fall over

I don't have dreams for me
I dream for you
I awake sweating, and desperate
You are wet and clammy, through no fault of your own

I bleed
You apply peroxide, bandages
I forget to breathe
Knowing you'll inhale

I fall down
You begin to pick me up
Then think again
Leave me to crawl, to cry

You teach me to fish
not to steal your bait
A younger me would call it cruel
Now I call it kindness

.... eh shitty poem in progress.....

my heart turned inside out
like mango clinging to its skin
backbended, split open
theirs to sink their teeth into
to feed on

you quiet me
you shutter me down, you
release the gaskets
you remind me that I don't need
to scream like that little girl
I once was
that I can stop this
anytime I want

i writhe and then settle
breathe
and hope you can see
that I am constantly getting better
even when
i fall apart

Rejection
Tastes like morning cigarette breath
And bile on your tongue

Stomach acid coating
Your teeth
Its time to crawl

You’re two years old again
Inching along the floor
Tears lubricating the wood under your skin

Howls and screams
No longer produce gentle arms
Just the suggestion of fear, brings no rescue

Indignant that this world would knock you down
Pissed off that no one comes running
Balled up fists beat the door jambs

As you lay
As you lay
As you just lay there
In that puddle of you
In that reduction of your soul
Your blood, your piss, your spit
Your tears, your vomit, your own sweat

A knock at your door
You can only whisper
“I am in here, this is where I am”

I’m afraid
I can’t come to the phone
Right now.

Perhaps I spend too much time
Storming heart first into Morrissey tragedy
When I should be dancing in the rain
Toward Jack Johnson love
Soft, innocent, sweet….

Why do I lean toward darkness
When trees are meant to crave the sun
I find special, I declare my chemicals
Run contrary to nature
I find myself on shelves
With greats, with the misunderstoods
With the shotgunned, the ovened, the praised
The fallen young, the … others

The queen of hearts
With her queer painted mouth
Muses, decides, then sneers
Yes, it is better to be feared
Than to be loved

The queen of hearts
Isn’t always your best bet
Not if you want it to be over
Just yet

I fell in love with you
Drunk, sitting on my broken-tiled
Brooklyn floor
A party roared around us
We listened to Pink Floyd
You closed your eyes
And fell into Comfortably Numb
And for the first time in my life
Or at least for the first time in years
I felt I had found my home

Billie holliday
In the early afternoon
a/c whirls, and my mind distills
it’s almost tequila time
vampire skin bakes in june sun
I drink, I miss, I will myself to grow

Come rain or come shine
She silks in my ear

Yes, come rain or come shine

I was drunk on
Pineapple, apricot, and champagne
Floating in the Atlantic
Holding my nose
Like a little girl
The sun was setting slowly
As vacation suns are paid to do

I looked back at the shore
And the light hit the waves
Casting the sand silver in its wake
Then within a breath of the earth
It returned to beach to light summer tan

My tears are not as salty as the ocean
They do not sting as much
Nor leave my eyes as red
So I have found
It is a good place to cry

Like bleeding in water
It is unfelt, it tendrils in the froth
Wisked away before seen
Sorer to be sure, but safer to the un-promised

I am alone in the salt, the surf
A young couple bounce and giggle
Twenty feet away
I pretend they and their love do not exist
And they ignore my solitude and stench
Of hearts broken
Dreams shaken, identity stolen