Update

Hey everyone.

So I'm sure a lot of you have seen the updates on Facebook and stuff. Things have been pretty rough for me as of late. There are so AWESOME things going on - five agents have requested to see my book and I'm back to work. But I'm also really struggling with the fact that my beloved group of friends has dissolved and I'm a bit lonely and depressed. For four years I've had this wonderful group of friends in my neighborhood that I spent almost all of my fun time with. We'd go to our fave bar down the street and I felt like a part of a community, of a family. In the past six months, that family has gone its separate ways and I somehow ended up the only remaining person in Williamsburg.

Couple that with a new job that keeps me chained to my desk in my office for 10-11 hrs a day and it's just a lot. I'm very depressed and very lonely.

I also had a negative experience at a poetry reading that has just made me not want to deal with that aspect of my life anymore. I'm sure I"ll once again want to perform, want to organize shows, want to publish people's work, but right now I just don't want to. It's not fun anymore.

I will put out the second Stain anthology and I will publish Persephonous Blue, but that's it. At least for now. I don't have the time or energy.

I am trying to focus on my health. I've decided that I'm probably going to leave NYC as soon as the show I'm on now wraps, or sooner if the level of stress I'm experiencing now doesn't level off. No show, no pay check is worth that sort of stress.

I'm applying to grad schools, studying for the GRE, spending time with my cats, trying to see my remaining friends when I can, and hopefully returning to some semblance of a real life complete with having fun, relaxing, and smiling.

I really appreciate everyone's support and cheer and smiles and encouragement. I won't lie - I'm pretty stressed and depressed adn horribly lonely. Please don't stop asking me to hang out. Drag me out by the hair of my head if you need to. Please. I'm self-isolating again and hair-dragging is appreciated. Hugs and drinks and laughs are needed!

I've seen to have lost my "spark" and my passion. I can't think of really anything that makes me happy right now. Funny how depression does that to you. Not only takes away your present happiness but erases the past and any hope for the future. It's such a soul-sucking disease.