acceptance

Well obviously I can't force myself into epiphany. It's going to come in its own time and I've got to accept this and try to nurture patience. I'm still on my path even if I'm just sitting at a cross roads, right? I guess I should just stop and smell the daisies where I am.

Zak says I think too much to the point of indecision and then inaction. I say he rushes to action without enough thought. He needs temperance, I need passion. Or maybe perhaps it is just what 9 year of experience does to you?

After I wrote the last post I huffed around the house and pouted until I realized that while I can't seem to figure out what will make me happy, I can figure out what makes me unhappy and avoid those things. I've just always been a girl with big lofty dreams. I spent most of my life wanting to be famous, to be reknowned. Now I don't know what I want. But at least I can look at what I don't want, right? I can start there. And maybe some action on my part will spur some epiphanies that sitting on my ass watching the snow fall isn't.

I like not worrying about money. Which means that I need to cut my expenses and make more (or at least consistent money.) I am making the first step toward that by moving to Jersey. I just need to make smart decisions. I need to slow down and figure things out. I also need to work more in my current job and/or find something to supplement it. Or I need to move on.

These are the big struggles. I guess if I make my priority saving money so I don't have to WORRY about money then maybe things will become clearer.

I'm tired and sick of thinking. Going to go practice avoidance :)