plush

I am expanding
Away from my bones
I am burying my heart
Inside my chest
I don't want to
hear it's hollow
beating
no more.

It is warm
It is safe
Perhaps smothered
Perhaps dying.

I am expanding
Away from my bones
Plush and stuffed
Scarring inside
Building, stronger
Fractures healing over

White blood cells rushing
a crazy ambulance ride
emergency, emergency
construction crews
rebuild me with ladders
cranes, high apoxy glue

I am expanding
away from my bones
And I wait until
my skin weeps
And my joints refuse
I am growing
helium inflates
I billow
huff
and moan

It is wide
It is impressive
It is something
that no one can
look away from

And I hate you
I hate you
for seeing what I've done
to myself
I hate you
for noticing
I hate you
for judging
I hate you for not
wielding your swords
you white knights
steely, strong
through this thick forest
this impressive land scape
rush, rush
push, push

i am expanding
away from my bones
I am orbiting
I am gravitational
I am pulled down
and I can't move
I can't breathe

I proclaim
long, verbose speeches
electric screams, keypad bruised
that this time
I will let the air out
I will allow their knives
On planes to Mexico
they go, my people
searching for salvation
Begging for scars, to starve

I am different
I am different
I am different
I am different
I am different

I am not what disgusts me
I am not what you think

I am expanding
Away from my bones
Constructing a cave of myself
I am geometric, geographic
I am wood, stone, brick
I am a house, I am a vehicle
that sits in a back lot
filling with snakes
unkempt grasses
rusting
I am everything
but human.
And subject to the
laws of man.
that I was not there to write
or sign my given name