Exhaustion.

Tonight I got outta work at a normal time and still I'm just fried. I have so many things I know I should be doing book-promotion wise but I'm just totally 100% spent. Tomorrow I need to get as much done as possible so that I can come in insanely early Sat. morning to get payroll for next week done so I can jump in my car and drive to NYC for Friendsgiving and my show at the Bowery. I know I haven't been keeping up my blog due to sheer exhaustion and lack of time but omg I'm tired. :)

The good news is that the next few days are going to be INSANE and then by the time I leave work on Wednesday I'll have FOUR DAYS to sit on my ass, not drive anywhere, and just look at my book promo plans and re-evaluate and figure out where to go from here. I can't wait. I feel like I've been frantic, spacey, distracted, and a bit delirious since I got back from upstate. No. Since I arrived upstate. haha. And i think my friends that have talked to me can attest to that! I can be a bit ditzy, yes, but lately I'm just..... omg... so scattered.

And yeah it's rough. I worry that at work I look like a slightly hysterical mess and I worry that I'm missing out on key opportunities for my book. But I think I'm ok. I'm pissed that I won't have my new editions to sell at the poetry club but I'm going to sell post cards vouchers then send out the books free of cost. It doesn't cost that much to mail out books if I do them book rate and if it saves a sale..... Still sucks though. But what can I do? I sold out two weeks ago!

So yeah I guess I'm doing ok. Work has been long and challenging but I think I've been handling it ok. Been working my ass off and I do take pride in that. I am just too hard on myself and lately I've been super irritable and grouchy -- trying to cut down on smoking, I've got PMS, (sorry if TMI), and I've never had a day to just rest and do nothing since I came here. My mom tells me on a daily basis that she thinks I'm brave and I think that my hard work and insane schedule has won some respect with my friends. We'll see. I guess it all comes down to two things to make me feel successful in the coming week -- finishing payroll Sat. and aceing my show at the BPC -- which psssst I'm hardly prepared for. That's what Sunday before the show will be spent doing. And probably Sat. night. Writing, reading, etc. I've got a basic script together and know what I want to do but the material isn't nailed down yet. Which worries me because I am always so prepared about such things. But I'll be fine, I have total confidence in that.

So it's ok, I'll let the to do list get a bit longer, I'll cut myself some slack. I'll continue to work hard and run on fumes and next week..... once the dust settles.... I"ll re-set. The catch 22 is that it's the holiday season which means it's the perfect time to promote a book and the worst. Competition is high and the dates available to do readings, etc is limited. People are out of town... etc. So I'm going to try to get some gigs around here in the next month but otherwise I'm just going to reset for January.

:)

PS I've also started talking to myself more. Well, maybe it's just because my cats aren't around for me to talk to.