crazy down

this will be my new locked box
a diary, a treasure chest
this is where i will put my crazy down
and the pillow in which i will scream

lately i've been wanting to cry
for no good reason
there's nothing wrong
other than a buildup of words
pressing against my lips
it's a dam, my discretion
and i'd give anything
for someone to sit beside me
release the gates, catch the spew
and not judge as
this sea of illogic dampens
their shoes

I worry that I'll never find that
I really haven't yet, just
people with handkerchiefs
and reserved opinions
backward steps
and awkward grins

I lay, I cradle, I recline in my insane ways
I babble, I bubble, I proclaim

I was dropped as baby
face-first cement floor
saved by a car seat
shhhhhed as I cried
no blood, no bruise
but perhaps part of me
deep down in my baby brain
remembers the sight
of the ground coming up
way too fast
and being unable to move