Everyone

I just had a thought. In our every day lives we are so many things to so many other people. The woman I am in bed with a lover, the woman I am with my friends, the woman I am at work, the woman I am as a writer, the woman I am as daughter, aunt, sister, cousin..... and I feel that facebook makes me feel kinda schizo sometimes. I just want to be me -- the basis to all of those facets of me. I want to be all of those women at once and end the splintering. I want to put my best foot forward and chose my words carefully but I also want to be failed, ugly, scarred, wanton, reckless. I want to say that society doesn't allow it. That modesty and a failed sense of privacy prevents it. But I think it's just me. Me being fearful and afraid of what others would say.

Maybe in 2009 I will make an attempt to be that amalgam of roles all at once. To not censor myself. To maintain a strong center, to work on non-swaying, non-swerving values. Maybe I'm not ready, actually. I don't think my core is that strong or mature. Hmm. Baby steps.

The question I struggle with -- is it bravery or is it exhibitionism? Is it honesty or is it vanity? Narcissm or a need to share, to stop splintering, to just.... be?