Persephenous Blue (draft)

I wish I could reach inside
No pain, no blood
just open up my gut
and poke in and about

I want to hold my liver
up to the light and run
my fingers over its flesh
I want to make sure it is
alright and healthy
and only perhaps slightly
exfoliated by drink

And if only I could hold my
breath and pull out my lungs
Exhale into them
bronchia to lips
papery flimsy balloons
See if there is brown or
burn or tumor
Hold them to my ear
like conch and shell
ask them to excuse
one more cigarette

Lower, lower, low
Small and god-given
Ovaries in hands
Hold them to my cheek
pearl-like, delicate
And then I shrink
permeate
and I begin to count
I begin to inspect
I am persephonous
I am blue
I am nosy and erratic
I scream, I pull but not too hard
I juggle, I embrace
I hold you, egg, I smash you, egg
A gasp, a cough
it's time to go
softly drop, settle
bounce and swaddle
I grow, I leave

Sutures
Endless sutures
I lie and groan and sew
returning my potential
deep inside the dark
deep inside the murk
the mush, the blood, the gore
deep into the meat and sinew and bone
that is me and give it up
give it up
forever, for now