What Now?

A week from tonight is my first reading and I thought it was in two weeks. So a giant OMG there. :) I basically need to get my shit together tomorrow, figure out what I'm doing, force my friends to sit and listen to me and then somehow get the guts to do it next week. Wowsers. The good thing is that there's a cover so I should be able to earn my drinks at least LOL.

But yeah part of me is really like -- shit, what now? I guess I get together my show and I start trying to get my books into bookstores again. Focus on reviews -- so seriously friends I'm going to start nagging BIG TIME. :) MUAH!

I still feel somehow hungover. It's just an extended dehydration. Should clear by mid-tomorrow. I gotta really follow up on some job leads. It's starting to get PRETTY fucking ridiculous. And I spent a bunch of money this weekend I don't have. I just really hate feeling like such a mooching beggar. My friends are so gracious and lovely and generous and yeah, I don't feel right. Which is stupid because when I'm working I'm the first one to buy for others. I don't accept gifts or compliments well. But perhaps if people keep giving me both I can adjust? LOL

I'm lying in bed with my cats and the heat seems to finally be worked out. Gotta love New York City boilers. One apartment you're freezing the next you gotta throw open the windows (I prefer the latter except in cases where it gets over 100 like it did at 729.) But for now I'm good. My house is clean and my fridge is full and my cats love me and I've got fantastic friends and I met someone new this weekend who is quite intriguing and I was interviewed for a paper and.... yeah.

I'm blessed. I'm happy. But yeah, what now? My goals for this book were to break even (I should by the time I get back from upstate) and to get my name out there. Monetarily it'll work out so I just need to push for reviews and getting them into people's grubby little hands.)

But I can't lose track of my ultimate goal -- to create a name for myself as a writer. So the article I was writing I gotta finish and send out. I gotta get some more interviews. I gotta market myself. I gotta make myself more than I am! haha Because let's face it, I'm just a dorky fat girl who wants to write for a living and spend her days in isolation wandering around her NYC apartment in her robot panties listening to loud music and tripping over cats.

Life from the penthouse is schweeeeeet tonight. Albeit confusing and tired and hungover and chemically a bit boiled and stewed but it'll clear. The weather is cold, the moon is bright, and I spent the best fifteen minutes of my night standing under the stars kissing last night. :) Oops, not supposed to kiss and tell. Ok let's rewrite that and say "twenty minutes spent dry-humping a bike messenger at Second Chance." There. LOL Dude, those bike messengers wear so many silly tools on their belts that you couldn't dry hump them if you wanted to. You'd end up with a mini mag lite up your cooch.

Gah i guess I should sleep but I'm SOOOOOO awake and restless.

I think I'll spend tomorrow morning re-evaluating my goals and game plans and then some serious time editing my memoir. The plan for that is to get it to the point where I'm completely happy with it (note to self, make mother not sound like awful woman she is not) and resend query letters. If all else fails self-publish. But I REALLY don't want to do that unless no one else picks it up. So yeah.

If you haven't picked up my book yet, please do. If you want to read free samples, check out my website JaniceBrabaw.com You can also look inside the book and read it on Amazon! If you're interested in actually sitting down and writing me a review I'd LOVE to send you a free review copy. Just let me know.

Ok I guess I'm going to try to sleep. I spent all weekend feeling like I was on stage and (mostly in my own mind) and now I wanna retreat into myself. I don't know how I feel about myself right now. Not sure about a lot of things. I kinda want a few days to not think about anything. To just be calm and not driven and driving myself crazy with to do lists and worries and shit. Maybe a nice dinner tomorrow night with friends where we do everything but talk about me and my life?

Someone's stuck a spoon in my stew and stirred me all the fuck about. Many spoons, much stirring. Fucking beaters. IN my brain. haha.

Any question of my insanity? lol